


My Avengers Headcanons

by AquilaLorelei



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Hilarity Ensues, I don't even know anymore, No tony, Other, no seriously tony no, the avengers being themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 17:12:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2659949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquilaLorelei/pseuds/AquilaLorelei
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of hilarious and telling anecdotes from Avengers Tower.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Avengers Headcanons

After a particularly harrowing solo mission in Greece to recover some ancient scrolls, scholar Melinda Pappas joined the SSR as a linguist and translator. She is grandmother to SHIELD agent Izzy Hartley.

*****

Pizza-and-alcohol nights often turn into belching contests. Bruce is the only one to sit out, Clint is inordinately amused, Thor makes Tony fear for his windows, and Natasha SMOKED the boys once but refused to repeat her feat, relegating it to the annals of Avengers myth.

*****

Darcy is heavily into the steampunk subculture and even owns her own pair of brass goggles. Tony is impressed with some of her sketches and wonders if would ever be possible to see some of them built, no matter how outlandish.

*****

Both Autolycus (Xenaverse) and Sherlock Holmes (Ritchieverse) are ancestors of Tony Stark.

*****

NO ONE is allowed "rummi bears" anymore. End of story.

*****

Further, with regard to the Avengers-Mythbusters crossovers, Bucky has made the "sniper-kills-through-gun-sight" shot. Twice. In so doing, he impressed even Jamie.

*****

With regard to the Avengers' spiritual patrons, Bucky's is Apollo, as Phoebus relates to goal-oriented far-sightedness and archery, healing, and mental clarity. Apollo gifted Bucky with his aim as a sniper, allowed for the metal arm graft to take, and helped Bucky keep enough "Bucky" underneath his Winter Soldier programming to come back out from under it eventually.

*****

I'm thinking Steve might well have named his shield _Bucky_ , because he's never without it, it always comes back to him, it is one of the things in his life that gives him the most strength and it will always, ALWAYS protect him.

*****

Tony, Clint and Natasha can all pick locks. Tony has learned for the technical challenge, Clint due to his past and he taught Natasha since it's a useful skill to have as related to espionage.  
Correction: Natasha only LET Clint think he taught her to pick locks.

*****

Tony has built a Popinator. His other ‘bots have gotten a little jealous of the attention the new arrival receives.

*****

EVERY member of the team secretly eats ice cream directly from the carton while publicly chides the others for doing the same.

*****

Thor gave Jane a little Mjolnir keychain to remind her of him while he's away. She sleeps with it clutched in her hand under her pillow at night.

*****

Thor has been banned from no fewer than 17 buffets in the greater Manhattan area alone. The rest just haven't met him. "All-you-can-eat" is NOT a challenge, we don't care WHAT you do on Asgard.

*****

Natasha was BFFs with Alexey Pajitnov and was on the beta testing team for TETRIS. She whips Clint’s butt sideways EVERY time in head-to-head mode when they bust out the old gray bricks.

*****

Due to the presence of his arc, Tony no longer needs lights to work underneath or under the hoods of his cars. Needless to say, it’s one of the benefits he’s learned to see in his situation.

*****

Tony and especially Bruce are what's known as "Highly-Sensitive Persons"  
(More Info.: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_person) In short,  
"A highly sensitive person (HSP) is a person having the innate trait of high psychological sensitivity...[and] may process sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems." This is part of the reason Bruce has such trouble reining in the Other Guy when his accident first occurred.

*****

Skottie, formerly of the MythBusters build team now works for SI as a fabricator and is close friends with Pepper. Through this connection, she got the build team tickets to the 2012 Stark Expo in San Francisco. Grant is uncannily giddy that JARVIS knows his name. Tony knows that anything the Mythbusters can do, HE can do better and more powerfully and frequently on a grander, scarier scale! Indeed he blew out several windows in the Malibu mansion by means of setting up a creamer cannon in his backyard. Since, he is forbidden from youtube and ANY Mythbusters visual feed whatsoever. There is a running joke (amusing to everyone but its subject) that Jamie is an escaped SI LMD, since is is well-established headcanon that Jamie is, in fact a cyborg.

*****

Tony does not favor men romantically. He is involved with Pepper, though he…well, all right, tolerates Steve—might even like the guy. Steve does not favor Tony romantically, despite considering him a valuable ally and yes, friend. In fact Steve does not consider  
himself “gay” in the 2000’s sense of the word. He just loves Bucky Barnes with all his heart and soul in a way that he has loved no one else in his life, EVER, and let the world call it what they will. Simple as that.

*****

Thor has just discovered online commerce. He lit up like a Christmas tree when his first order came in; 20 lbs. of cereal marshmallows. Bruce was...*displeased* when they ended up in his oatmeal, and his pancakes and--well...Clint was just amused by how many foods benefited from their addition. According to Natasha,the jury's still out on how the vodkamallows worked. Could be amazing, could be a disaster. Stay tuned.

*****

It is infinitely clear that THOR HAS NO INDOOR VOICE. That is all.

*****

Bruce grows orchids. He's proud of his collection and takes it VERY seriously. He knows and appreciates their beauty and fragility from his travels and cultivating them helps to make him feel like he's growing something instead of destroying it for a change. The Other Guy has so far left the plants alone, for which Bruce is deeply grateful.

*****

Natasha & Pepper still have the footage of the time they stole Tony's towel during one of his mid-shower creative frenzies. At first, he didn't even notice. He doesn't have the heart to tell them that said footage would make a very poor blackmail attempt.

*****

Steve's the only member of the Avengers with a reasonably-normal sleep schedule. The habits of a soldier are hard to break, even seventy years on, so he's always up at 6 AM sharp. (He even half-expects to hear a bugle.) He considers it a luxury, even hedonism to sleep in 'til 8 or 9.

Thor's Asgardian physiology means he doesn't need to sleep like Midgardians. He may often be found smashing headcrabs on the gaming couch at 3 or 4 in the morning, mug of cocoa by his side in lieu of his precious coffee and a bowl of some crunchy snack by his side.

Tony and Bruce in science!bro mode just sleep where they fall. Natasha has an adorable candid shot of Tony with his head on Bruce's stomach when they just sort of dropped onto the lab couch.

Natasha and Clint are programmed for "vampire mode." They wake usually around dinnertime and start to really flag around sunrise, finally crashing around 9 or 10 AM. They'll sometimes join Thor for his late-night gaming-thons. They are also conclusive proof as to the speculation that certain people are genetically hard-wired this way to act as "overnight guards" for the greater good of the tribe, and they do. They'll even act as extra eyes on the security footage,  
since they feel especially protective of their 'nakama'.

*****

Howard Stark subscribed to Popular Science magazine. Only recently has Tony had the heart to change the name on the subscription. Tony has also ordered dead-tree back issues dating to the first, from March 1872. He highlights all his and Howard's contributions thereto. He's also got the entire run of Popular Mechanics and has ordered Discover and Scientific American/  
SciAm Mind for Bruce, despite the latter's considering them somewhat too populist. For the lobby of the SI building, he keeps a subscription to Smithsonian, National Geographic, and Mental Floss. He regrets nothing. He does not, however bother with financial or computing  
periodicals. He lets Pepper order social and gossip mags for the lounges, but he never bothers with them unless he's on the scandals pages. 

*****

Tony prefers techno music in the lab. Bruce, if he listens to anything, prefers classical. They compromise with classical techno remixes.

*****

Last Christmas, Pepper got Tony a silicone arc cover so he can sleep without being disturbed by the light output.

*****

One of Tony's private jets is a Concorde. He practically had to bribe the FAA, but it's only fair since his father helped build it!

*****

Bruce likes scented candles. In addition to his own collection, Tony bought him several flameless ones, "just in case."

*****

In college, Tony programmed the lights of the tallest building on MIT's campus to play Tetris. ACCURATELY.

*****

Movie night proves interesting in Avengers Tower. The team can agree on only one thing for certain: Lilo & Stitch gives EVERYBODY the feels. Just because you adopt a blue force of chaos, doesn’t mean you can’t grow to love him. #'Ohana

*****

Bucky often cries out something desperate in Russian in his sleep.  
Steve had JARVIS translate the phrase and has made sure to hold Bucky tighter ever since:  
“Where are you my dearest friend?—I cannot find you…!”

*****

Thor likes girlrock, most specifically Pink and Joan Jett. One day, he racks the stereo up to 11 and BLASTS "Fetish"--the XXX version, mind you!--through the whole Tower's sound system while Tony's in a meeting with some VERY conservative SI backers. He has to close the conference room shades as he notices Thor doing the "Risky Business" slide down the hallway with Mjolnir for a microphone (socks + linoleum = remarkably effective) with Clint doing air drums in the background. Tony practically asphyxiates from trying not to laugh, and high-fives the guys after the meeting for their, quote "remarkable efforts to foster team unity." He also shows the security video every chance he gets.

*****

Tony writes his blueprints in silver Sharpie.

*****

Bruce has a terrible habit of using anything BUT a bookmark. Receipts, toothpicks, scraps of paper bags or notebook paper or printer paper, you get the idea. Once, he managed to tick Tony off royally by slipping into his current page a very important little cocktail napkin that Tony swore solved cold fusion (or something...) and set his research back "a whole *TWO DAYS*! Do you KNOW how much I could've gotten DONE in those two days!?" Almost as a joke, Tony gave him a case of SI-imprinted bookmarks. Bruce still never uses them. Tony is not entirely sure if this is on purpose.

*****

When the boys were teenagers, Odin had both practice with Mjolnir. Both were more than capable with it, but it just wasn't Loki's style. These days, Loki's not sure what would happen, and it worries him. He's not sure, in fact, whether it would be worse to live up to expectations by being unable to use it--or proving he could...

*****

Fortunately she has had no occasion to use it, but should it ever become necessary, Pepper could wield Mjolnir. Indeed, this as competently as she can do everything else.  
In fact, besides Steve and that one very-well-hidden incident involving Coulson, she was the first person associated with the Avengers to find out.

*****

Tony once changed Steve's wallpaper to Sexually-Oblivious Rhino. This caused Bucky to literally spit out his coffee when he viewed the monitor.

*****

In spite of, not because of, his programming, one of the languages Bucky is best at is Romanian.

*****

Bucky has an inordinate appreciation for fast food. When asked, he claims he's learning to appreciate the "decadent West." Either that or "adjusting to this new century."

*****

Steve has, in fact been able to figure out how to change his ringtone from "Like a Virgin." And no, his new one is in NO fashion patriotic. It is the dubstep remix of Florence + the Machine's "Breath of Life."

*****

Rules For Living In Avengers Tower:

1.) I am NEVER to hear ANY sentence beginning with the phrase "Hey guys! Check THIS out!"  
2.) Clothing is NOT optional in the common areas (TONY!). Exceptions may only be made for Bruce when he's...not himself.  
3.) No cereal marshmallows are to turn up in my coffee. --> Or MY oatmeal!  
\--> Or my notwater [REDACTED] that last one's actually pretty good!  
.  
.  
.  
* Steve is NEVER allowed to pull rank in bed AGAIN. EVER!  
* I am *nobody's* star-spangled slut! --> (Thats what *you* thinK!) Yes, you are! --Says you!--

*****

With regard to the Avengers' taste in television series, ALL of them love AMC's "Freakshow". Needless to say all of them can relate in some fashion. Natasha likes to see women doing the dangerous stunts. Clint can't stop grinning through the whole show--hey, the boy WAS a carny once. Thor is impressed with Midgardian physical abilities and self-adornment. Steve knows the feeling of being set apart. Tony is glad to see something that makes every member of his family so happy. And Bruce? Bruce just smiles a little Mona Lisa smile. He sees the performers--no matter how "different" they are--develop such a strong feeling of community and of family. Everyone has a place to belong.

****

Bucky keeps little "hamster bottles" of sports drink around to maintain proper hydration.  
He hates the feeling he had when he was awakened of always being thirsty.

*****

Steve has--and sleeps with!--a Bucky Bear(tm). He flat refuses to tell where he got it, though.

*****

Natasha always keeps her quarters freezing cold. She insists it reminds her of home.

*****

* Fury gave Steve Sam's info. and daily routine "Just in case (he) needed someone to talk to while (he's) in DC." Ergo, Steve's first meeting with Sam was not totally random.

*****

* Tony can swear in three languages (American English, Italian and--believe it or not, binary), Bruce and Natasha seven, though not all the same ones. Steve can swear in AT LEAST five (American English, British English, German, French and Russian). Bucky, however tops them all with fourteen: American English, British English, German, French, Russian, Dutch, Thai,  
Mandarin Chinese, Japanese, Afrikaans, Spanish, Romanian, Czech and Arabic. (Steve secretly finds this inordinately sexy. So do several other members of the team...)


End file.
